Write Stuff

“Reduced to its essence, a good English sentence is a statement that an agent (the subject of the sentence) performed an action (the verb) upon something (the object).” — John Ciardi, American poet and writing teacher

“Those of us lucky enough to write in English have no excuse for using anything less than the strongest verbs.”– Jack Hart, “A Writer’s Coach.”

We can’t improve on Ciardi and Hart. But we join them on their call for more sentences that derive their power from a construction of subject, strong active verb and object. You diminish the power of your sentences when you construct them in the passive voice. The reader senses little urgency and abandons your story. The passive voice also encourages the use of unneeded words and forms of the weak verb “to be” — is, are, was, were.

What do we mean by the passive voice? Jack Hart gives this simple example: PASSIVE: The ball was clobbered by the cleanup batter vs. ACTIVE: The cleanup batter clobbered the ball. What usually happens, Hart says, is that the writer takes the original object of the verb and twists it into the subject of the sentence. It’s important to find the passive voice in your writing and ask whether the active voice would work better. Check, too, how often you use a form of the verb “to be” and see if you can rewrite to use an active verb.

The active voice encourages you to find the strongest possible verbs, too. While the use of gerunds and participles (creating nouns and adjectives by adding -ing to verbs) sometimes adds vitality to your writing, their overuse often suffocates strong verbs yearning to be free. (In other words, strong verbs yearn to be free). Here’s an example from a recent edit:

ORIGINAL: That technology was on full display, with the giant screen showing the tug-of-war, broadcasts blaring in two languages, chefs in both cities trying out recipes.

BETTER: The technology was on full display as the giant screen showed the tug of war, broadcasts blared in two languages and chefs in both cities tried out recipes.

OR The technology was on full display: The giant screen showed the tug of war, broadcasts blared in two languages and chefs in both cities tried out recipes.

Here are two more simple examples of how a switch to the active voice can move your sentence faster, eliminate unneeded words and convey action:

ORIGINAL: It was not until around 2005 that the situation improved.

BETTER: The situation improved in 2005.

ORIGINAL: However, his 8 years as mayor has also given Mike Bloomberg ample opportunity to offend various groups of voters in one way or another.

BETTER: Bloomberg’s eight years as mayor gave him ample opportunity to offend voters in one way or another.

So get active and make yourself a better writer.

P.S.  Craft professor Dave Lewis provided a wonderful example of the active/passive issue –  Which would you prefer hearing from your significant other? I love you or You are loved.  Case closed.

If, threatened with waterboarding, I were forced to choose the biggest writing problem I see, it would be the nut graf. It’s talked about a lot in Craft classes but I still find myself questioning students about why their stories don’t explain to readers why they should care.

What makes a good nut graf? I use the words sweep, context and road map. I want to know how the story will help explain the importance of an event, incident, or personality (the “sweep”). I want to know how the story fits into the history and culture of our times (the “context”). Finally, in a rich nut graf, I want to discover the themes, the landscape of the story, the “road map” that tells me where the story is going and whether I want to take that journey.

Said even more simply, a good nut graf tells readers what’s in it for them, what they’ll learn, and why they ought to take the time to read your story.

Read almost any consequential story in the Times, WSJ, or Daily News, and you’ll see good nut grafs. The same goes for broadcast scripts. In profiles of people, such as the live-ins that Craft I students are now working on, Prof. Svoboda calls the nut graf the “Joe is not alone” graf. What is it about ‘Joe’ that reflects a larger theme, a recurring pattern, an emerging trend? That’s a useful way of thinking about it.

The nut graf – btw, it’s not always just one graf, but one cohesive idea — is so important that I often recommend that reporters write it first, or at least make notes for the themes and details to include. That can start as you take notes, and can continue as you come back to the newsroom to file your stories. It’s important to think about what you’re about to write. Put yourself in the minds of the reader and ask why they should care. Force yourself to take the helicopter view, to see the story in all its dimensions, and then provide that perspective to the reader.

The nut graf also benefits the writer. By organizing the thinking about what makes the story important, the nut graf will give the writer a structure and organization that will allow the story to flow naturally from one theme to another. It also will allow the writer to more easily choose the best story-telling quotes and details to advance the arc of the story.

Rima Abdelkader’s recent story on how foreign media handle American colloquialisms – a story that helped push page views at NY City News Service to record levels – did a nice job of explaining why a reader should care:

Joe Sixpack. Hockey Mom. Maverick.
Even for those passionately following the presidential election, the definition of these campaign buzzwords can change with the voter, pundit or reporter who interprets them.
Imagine, then, how foreign language journalists must struggle to put the terms into context for their audiences when such words often have no direct translation.
That problem faced Al Jazeera reporter Abderrahim Foukara when he wrestled with how to describe “maverick.” The world’s most watched Arab network finally decided to define the American colloquialism as “a bird that sings outside the flock.”
For Al Jazeera, and foreign-language media throughout the world, the issue of how to translate the language of American politics is more than just a matter of journalistic accuracy. Their decisions reflect their own diverse histories and cultures, as well as their ethical guidelines about bias in translation.

The last three paragraphs provide a cohesive summary of why the reader should care: the sense of the story, a specific and interesting example and the sweep and context of the issue. It caught the attention of readers as diverse as the editors of the Huffington Post to an individual American blogger in Guatemala.

Last point: Whenever you read stories in print, scripts, online or blogs, find the “nut graf” and ask yourself whether it succeeded, and why. Take away those lessons and apply them to your own stories.

Writing Tips
Use storytelling quotes, not quotes that simply convey information better paraphrased by the writer. Craft professors, appropriately, urge students to make sure to put quotes high in their stories. But student reporters often overcompensate with too many boring or rambling quotes rather than a few sterling, storytelling ones.
My advice is to establish a very high standard for any quote. It must help you tell the story, reveal a personality or express outrage or joy. With many quotes, you can capture the essence and write it far stronger yourself.

Karina Ioffee used strong storytelling quotes in her story about Colombian parents who attended the sentencing of the man who had killed their son seven years ago:

Residents of Bogota, Colombia, Leonor and Armando Garzon got on the first flight to New York after hearing about the attack. Both parents sat with their son — one of three children — as he lay in a coma for weeks.
“I caressed him and talked into his ear, in case he might hear me,” Leonor Garzon said. “But he never woke up.”
“Our lives the past seven years have consisted of knocking on doors seeking help to bring to light this merciless and cruel crime that you committed,” Leonor Garzon said at the sentencing, speaking directly to McGhee. “You’ve deprived us of living a full life in our old age and of family unity….we can never be together again.”

Shout Outs

Everyone contributed mightily to our lights-out election coverage, which makes it hard to single out any one person. But Jere Hester deserves a loud shout out for the planning and leadership he provided for the entire effort.

I’m always looking for a felicitous phrase that shows writing chops. Here’s how Carla Murphy summarized what happens at a storefront church headed by the Rev. Terry Lee:

All rely on Lee’s storefront church, in which the Holy Spirit is invited to enter, wipe its feet, disrobe, chat, eat, drink, dance, jump and relax, for up to six hours at a time.

That satisfied my craving for active verbs, and whetted my appetite for more.

We constantly stress the need to capture as much telling detail as possible in your reporting.  The more specific the details, the better your writing will be, transporting your reader inside the scene or action.  Mathew Warren did that splendidly in his recent piece in the New York Times:

A slender young woman hung 30 feet in the air, coiling her body around two pieces of black silk that were attached to the rafters. A crowd watching below screamed as she unraveled herself and started falling toward them and then gasped with relief as she came to a stop just above their heads.
The woman, Anya Sapozhnikova, was performing her aerial circus act, but this was not Cirque du Soleil, and there was no big top. Instead, it was a warehouse party in Bushwick, Brooklyn.
While the notion of circus performers is largely associated with major productions like Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus and the Coney Island sideshows, a new generation of performers is taking the circus arts to unexpected places. Fire eaters, stilt walkers, aerialists and sword swallowers are among those showing off their skills at parties, concerts, clubs and in the streets and in parks.

Mathew explains his strategy:  “I wanted to start with the performers and the moment of tension, with the crowd looking up as the woman unraveled herself toward them.  I knew that would draw in the readers.”  He succeeded.  His third paragraph also is an excellent example of a nut graf that captures the essence of the story. And check out the active verbs – hung, screamed, unraveled, gasped – that empower the lead.

Shout Outs

There’s very little that matches the thrill of breaking news before anyone else. With the media herd stampeding on the financial meltdown saga, Dan Macht dug up a story no one else had uncovered: The effect of the crisis on non-profits and philanthropy in New York City.  Dan’s story in Crain’s New York Business was days ahead of the competition:

When Pamela Maraldo heard that Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. had filed for bankruptcy on Monday, she immediately thought about the $10,000 grant she had been counting on receiving from the investment bank.
Ms. Maraldo is the executive director of Girls Inc., a nonprofit in New York City. Lehman gave it $10,000 last year to fund a tutoring and martial arts program for 6- to 18-year-old girls, and Ms. Maraldo was counting on the same amount this year.
“The bottom line is that we will have to work twice as hard this year,” said Ms. Maraldo.

Eliot Caroom broke news, too, when he looked beneath the debris of the government seizure of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac to see if there were still opportunities for investors.  Turns out there were.  Investors would’ve almost doubled their money by today if they’d invested at the time Eliot’s story was published in forbes.com  (Don’t worry, the story contained appropriate warnings about such gambles on ‘penny’ stocks.)

Megan McGibney and Vinita Singla checked out a professor’s tip and produced a much-picked-up story for the News Service on a little-enforced election law:

Don’t wear your favorite Barack Obama T-shirt or your shiny John McCain campaign button Nov. 4: You might get hassled at the polls.
An obscure, seldom-enforced state law bars anyone from wearing political buttons and other campaign paraphernalia within “a 100-foot radial measured from the entrances of the voting booth.”
With the election just over a month away, the law is suddenly gaining notice: an email begging potential Obama voters to “PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE” leave T-shirts and buttons home on Election Day is circulating on the Internet – spurring worried calls and emails to state election officials. The New York Civil Liberties Union plans – for the first time – to include a similar warning in its voter information materials.

Collin Orcutt got an early jump on a different local angle on the last days of Yankee Stadium with his story in the Highbridge Horizon.

If the Yankees don’t extend their streak of 13 straight postseason appearances this year, it won’t just be the players missing out on the playoff glory.
Many area residents are upset that the team appears to be going out with a whimper in its final season in historic Yankee Stadium. For local businesses, the Bombers’ swoon has a lot more than an emotional wallop.
“When the Yankees win, everybody is happy and makes more money,” said Alvin Williams, 55, an employee at Ball Park Lanes Bar and Restaurant, across the street from Yankee Stadium. “When they lose, it affects the entire Bronx.”

These stories reflect the journalistic equivalent of the sage baseball advice of legendary hitter Wee Willie Keeler:  “Hit ‘em where they ain’t.”  Reporters who follow their instincts to the stories no one else is telling will always end up with a good batting average.